So, this is a plea to anyone in the cyber-universe who might be reading this: I need work. As a professional writer, I can be of value to you. If you want to write a letter to your tree-trimming service asking why your dogs have contracted elm blight, I can pepper that letter with references to Moliere. If you want to write a letter to the patent office announcing that you have invented a wind-powered riding lawnmower, I can give your application wings, or at least befuddle the patent officer with enough technical jargon to send him permanently off the wagon. And if you want to write a feverish letter to your doctor noting that your body temperature mimics the frequency of your favorite classic rock station, I can make you sound plausible rather than paranoid.
So, get creative, folks, and hire me as a writer. Your body temperature, your invention and your elm-blighted pets are at stake. Call or email within the next 10 minutes and I'll throw in a case of Ramen absolutely tree.
I'd like to say, "Operators are standing by," but I had to lay them off to pay my condo fee.
Oh, Jerry!
ReplyDeleteOnly you can noodle around a quest for employment and instead of making the reader feel as if they have been peeking in a plea of quiet desperation, push their tentative frown into a smile.
I for one, HAVE hired you as a writer, and I obviously believe in your efforts whole heartedly because I made good on the checks!
The only problem I seem to have in reading your article/blog, is that it ended. I need more, Jerry, I just need to read more. Go ahead, post that letter to the doctor so we can read it, or just write anything, but write. It's really unfair to blog twice a year and leave us hanging...write as if no one is reading, and then hit "publish." Plea-se.
And make it snappy, the water is boiling on the stove and I have a chicken carcass to throw in the pot. Damn, what I would do for some Ramen.